Baby D

Don't feel sad for us.  Feel sad with us.  This is one of the countless thoughts I keep having. 

Today is goodbye.  Goodbye to our sweet Baby D.  My mind won't shut off and I literally feel physically ill.  There are so many questions I don't have answers to... and my justice streak is absolutely raging right now.  However, I'm grateful for the love and concern so many of you have shown.  So I thought I would give you a bit of insight into how we are processing this.  Below is a copy of a text I sent a dear friend who messaged me with some encouraging scriptures.



Here's how I'm feeling... as best I can explain....

I feel like this is a very sacred and holy thing.  I feel very somber.  Knowing that The Lord chose us to parent and love HIS precious Dominique.  I can't say that I'm not sad... because that would be a lie.  And "sad" is also an understatement.  The weight of the impending "goodbye" is suffocating.  Literally.

However, Underneath it all is a peace.  His peace... that can only come from The Holy Spirit.

There's so much that I don't understand.  In many ways I feel like he's sacrificing Baby D.... Like Him telling Abraham to sacrifice Isaac... But then not providing the ram.  Instead, choosing to require the unthinkable.

But I also know that I have no idea of what His plan is.  Period.  And the best decision I can ever make is to trust the most trustworthy one of all.  I know He loves Baby D PERFECTLY.  And I know that although I love him with the depths of my heart.... I don't love him perfectly.

Lily and I have been studying the life of Joseph... and it's been more emotional than ever before for me.  I keep thinking... NO ONE would look at all these things and EVER see what God had planned.  Betrayal, abuse, rejection, so many times of being wrongfully punished and accused....  Even when he had favor he was still a slave...  But through disappointment and hurt... years of carrying some serious baggage....  The Lord used him to save a nation... really nations.

That's my prayer for Dominique.  That The Lord will raise him up to do incredible things in the name of Jesus.

I feel like He's already been showing me what is next for us.  What's best for my family.  Especially my kids.  I'm completely in awe of their maturity and how Kingdom minded they are.

I'm grateful that as a family we choose to give sacrificially.  Until it hurts.  Physically and emotionally hurts.  But spiritually... we will look more like Jesus.  That's what it's all about.  We don't have time to waste.  And my kids don't need to wait until they're grown to sacrifice and serve.  We don't have much... but we DO have our lives, our home, our hearts, and our resources... And we, as a family, choose to lay them all down.  And we'll do it again.  And again.  And again.

There will never be another Baby D.  But there are countless children who need to be safe and loved.  Every child is priceless and deserves to be held too much and rocked to sleep.  They deserve to be treasured and valued so much that you can't imagine facing tomorrow without them.... and you grieve them when they leave.

So... we hang on to Jesus and we get through this.  Then we move forward... In His perfect will for our lives.  Knowing that He led us here for our good.  And for The Kingdom.  We're grateful.

He is more than enough.  For Baby D.  And for us.





So, I say again.... Don't be sad for us.  Be sad with us.  Baby D is certainly worthy of your grief and tears.  The next child we welcome into our family will be worthy also.

Please pray for our sweet boy.  He is so dearly loved and will be desperately missed.